When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
