You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
