can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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