I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize