i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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