That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
