I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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