I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
