So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
