Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
