I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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