While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
