if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it's like heaven, but drunker
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
