Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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