So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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