Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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