Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
