Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's never too late to be topless.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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