I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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