I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize