I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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