Your face is a jimmy john
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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