Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
