I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
