I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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