She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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