Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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