So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
