No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
