Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
