Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
