Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize