If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
