I think i peed on brittanys purse
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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