The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
