11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
