You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
