She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
