I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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