yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
