So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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