During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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