i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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