bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize