Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
