I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize