3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
look no pants
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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