So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize