we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
