I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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