I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
