I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
