oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
