see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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