forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
