Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I touched a dick in church today
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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