Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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