I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
