just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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