i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
