I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
