Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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