Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
