Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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