we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
