What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
