You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
