I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
