he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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