Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
