i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
